Horrifying and Hilarious

I haven't lived here long, but I wanted to share a few stories that I thought have depicted some of my time here so far.

Greasing the Wheels

The first night I was here, my parents and Lash and Meredith and I invited my uncle Matt out for pizza at Garibaldi's in Brooklyn. As we approached the restaurant, we saw the monster line. My stomach was already screaming, and I could tell by the antsy attitude of my group that they felt my pain. We got to the end of the line and asked how long. One hour. Worth it? I hoped so. My uncle immediately stepped out of line and said "hang on guys, wait right here." He walked right in the restaurant, leaving us waiting with skepticism. What was he going to do about it? He came back about 5 minutes later and said "One at a time. Don't make a scene." I giggled excitedly. He had greased the wheels. The Italian owner welcomed us in a mafia style emotionless welcome. And the pizza was...heaven. I recommend the two hour wait if you have to. It was perfectly seasoned, not overly greasy, doughy but thin crust, flavorful cheese, fresh veges. The pepperonis were so thick. Ugh! I could have made love to it. All around a good evening, and one of the more bad-ass things I've seen lately.

There's One in Every Group

SO I went to visit Astoria, and my friend John Kownacki, a JMU chum auditioning in NYC. He invited both Meredith and I over to have some drinks and smoke hookah with a couple friends. We proceeded to drink some beer and some vodka & lemonade in the true JMU fashion, sharing so many laughs. I always forget how much people can simply entertain each other better than any TV show. I had invited a guy that I had been going out on dates with since I got here named Lee who happened to live in Astoria as well. I texted him to meet us at the hookah bar.I was a beer and two vodkas in and ready to go. Mistake. If you know me, and I should know me, liquor and me do not agree. I can never tell where my limit is because it changes with time and how my body decides to metabolize it that day. Right when we sat down at the table in the hookah bar, I went from normal Chiddy to shithouse dizzy Chiddy. I proceeded to walk to the bathroom and sat down on the floor next to the bathroom door. This part was a bit blurry, but Lee tried to say hi to me and tried to introduce me to his roommate and his roommate's girlfriend, but I could barely keep myself standing. The waitress, who was overwhelmed it seemed, looked me straight in the eye and said very sternly "YOU NEED TO LEAVE." I got up, ushered by Meredith, and proceeded to walk to a curb area with her that was about a block from the restaurant. I was very aware of what was happening, but couldn't do anything to get my dizziness to go away. I knew what I had to do. I proceeded to induce vomit, and did so for a little while, before I laid down on the curb that had a nice rake to it to try to relax myself. Meredith left to go back to the hookah bar to tell our friends I was okay. I realized I was laying on the curb by myself, at night, and was too embarrassed and not yet ready to go back into the hookah bar, so I hid in a place at the end of this driveway near the curb where no one could see me from the street. Meredith came back and frantically looked for me for a moment, but I was there, I assured her. I returned to the hookah bar, and John and his friends were the only ones left in the place. I hung my head, shamed. Lee had surely left. Not my proudest moment. But I guess every group needs that one person who just can't keep up. I will surely not be that person next time. I'll stick to beer, and mayhaps some water, thank you.

Horrifying and Hilarious


Sometimes, I'm a fuckup. I'm a daydreamer. And I get on these thought trains that make me not aware of what is in front of me. I've been working on listening and observing more than thinking lately, but when I'm alone, I catch myself in my head too often Anyhow, that's basically how I got into this situation. I was showering for work around 2pm the other day, getting ready for my shift at 3:30pm. I had made this list of stuff in my head that I needed to do before I left, and one of them was move my bike in a little further on the porch because it had been raining and my bike was going to rust if I didn't move it under cover. I got out of the shower, wrapped a towel around myself, and decided then it would be a good time to move my bike in, since I knew with my brain, I would forget. I put on Dooley's shoes and proceed to move my bike in furthur. I heard the door from the porch to the house slam. An alarm went off in my head. Uh oh. I went to try and open the door. Locked. No. No this isn't happening. Lash and Sarah were at PACE for the day in 3 hour classes and meetings with fellow acting students, Meredith was at work (we both work in the same pub) and was getting off when I was supposed to come in to start. My phone was inside. My clothes were inside. I started to bang on the door in hopes that someone could hear a person in distress. I tugged at the door handle. NO NO NO!. There were bars on the windows to the kitchen, so even if I opened the actual windows, there was no way I was getting through. I could jump the fence, but all of the fences in the brownstone block were stuck together. I'd have to jump at least 15 fences to get to the street. And then the front door was locked anyway. And I'm a wet white girl in only a towel. I panicked. I saw no way out. I'd be fired if I was late to work, even with such a crazy explanation, and I'd be out here for hours. I screamed "somebody help me!" but no one was even home. No neighbors. Or maybe they heard that so often it didn't even phase them anymore. There was only one way. The tiny window to the shower room. Now this window looked like it could barely fit my thigh. But it was my only way. I took a deep breath and proceeded to fit one arm and my head and then my other arm. My towel was beginning to slip down my body. I managed to pull myself halfway through the window when, no. NO NO NO. My hips and butt would NOT FIT THROUGH. NO!!!! I paniced. I was halfway stuck. My almost naked backside was hanging out of the side of the house, my feet kicking in the air.I tried to retreat. No use. I was STUCK. I kept thinking, is this real? This is pure SHTICK!. HOW IS THIS HAPPENING!. I was this way for what seemed like hours before, through some sheer force of adrenaline, I was like, NO. I am getting into this motha effing HOUSE!. I pulled myself through the window, squeezing my now naked body into the shower room, scraping my hips and skin. I finally, through much struggle, birthed myself into the shower room, lying naked on the floor. I laid there for a few minutes and breathed. I made it. Thank God. I will NEVER go on the porch again when I am alone in the house. Retrospectively hilarious.